get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
