I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
