I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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