My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
