Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When are your genitals available?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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