Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
