she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
