Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
