he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
