I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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