I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's blow job season.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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