dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
