I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
