I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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