I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
