sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
