oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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