I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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