glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
