Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
