Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
