Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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