did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
