i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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