Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
