She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
