I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
