i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
