Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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