She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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