Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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