adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
