Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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