You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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