There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
