I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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