I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
