We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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