Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
