It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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