I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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