I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
