i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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