..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm always down for nudity.
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