SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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