one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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