I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
