I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
