I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
