Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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