I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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