Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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