Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize