how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
